您所在的位置:首页管理Management › 正文

如果你的老板爱发飙,别慌张,冷静才是硬道理

Daisy翻译,Daisy发布英文 ; 2012-08-28 16:58 阅读次 
  • 中文
  • 中英对照

没有人会忘记爱发飙的老板──这种老板会向员工大喊大叫,让他们感到无力,总是紧张不安,有时还会崩溃到哭出来。没有人会忘记爱发飙的老板──这种老板会向员工大喊大叫,让他们感到无力,总是紧张不安,有时还会崩溃到哭出来。

宾夕法尼亚州山顶市(Mountaintop)Cornell Iron Works的首席执行长安德鲁•康奈尔(Andrew Cornell)发誓不要成为这种人。当他的制造工厂的员工没能满足他的期望时,他有时想发火,但他控制住了。他说,“大喊大叫是过去的做法,我总是对此感到后悔。”他经常与有问题的员工开个短会,而不是“等到最后,扔下一颗核弹,血溅四墙。”

事实上,爱发飙的老板似乎正悄悄地从工作场所消失。管理者之间的新共识是,发飙会让人们恐慌,把他们赶走而不是激励他们,并有损于他们的工作质量。有些老板也担心引发骚扰诉讼或成为同事间风靡的手机录影的主角。

尽管下属可能会为严厉的老板努力工作,以期获得一丝赞美,但很少有员工能在老板的喊叫中将工作做到最好。《应用心理学杂志》(Journal of Applied Psychology)今年早些时候发表的几篇对手机公司员工和工程学专业学生的研究论文显示,言语攻击往往会损害受攻击者的工作记忆,降低他们理解指令和执行操作电脑等基本任务的能力。与和冷静客户打交道的员工相比,接到敌意而有攻击性的客户投诉的员工甚至不太能记住投诉内容。

借助许多措施,办公室已经变得更加文明。露辛达•梅因(Lucinda Maine)是弗吉尼亚州亚历山大市(Alexandria)一家专业协会的首席执行长,她说,最近家里有些问题需要处理,结果“我向几位副总裁发飙了。这比向接待员发飙要好,但发飙永远是不合适的。”她很快向每个人道歉,然后举行了一次高管团队会议,分享她学到的经验:她说,当你在家里受到压力时,在工作中时刻控制情绪需要“情商”。

但是现在我们在工作中的争执方式并非总是健康的,其中仍然有大量愤怒和沮丧情绪。研究显示,管理者大约要花25%的时间用于解决冲突。华盛顿州雷尼尔市(Rainier)A.K. Rice Institute for the Study of Social Systems的总裁杰克•兰普尔(Jack Lampl)说,不发火的“坏处”是“人们总把事情推到台面下”,这导致受挫感以其他方式渗透出来。他说,人们喜欢的一种发泄方式是写一封愤怒电邮,“这可以作为一个解压阀,但往往会激化冲突。它在工作场所起着非常有腐蚀性的作用,有利于流言蜚语的传播,并会破坏与其他人的关系。”

去年,缅因州奥罗诺(Orono)Bangor Metro杂志的编辑梅拉妮•布鲁克斯(Melanie Brooks)因为一名作者没能按时完成任务而很恼火,这让她不得不自己完成工作,并错过了一次她本来预期出席的工作活动。她发出了一封愤怒电邮:“我没有按时收到稿子,但这几乎要了我的命。这是你的工作,不是我的。”并补充说她不希望再发生这种事。

布鲁克斯认为这封邮件简洁直接,比打电话训斥作者要好。但第二天,这位作者打电话给布鲁克斯的老板,就这封电子邮件咆哮了将近半小时,最后老板因为她在邮件中训人而批评了她。

加利福尼亚州索诺马(Sonoma)Creative Energy Options领导力培训公司的总裁西尔维娅•拉法尔(Sylvia LaFair)说,还有些人用“沉默的叫喊”发泄。她说,“他们面无表情,耸耸肩,握紧手。”还有些人用冷嘲热讽或一言不发来表达愤怒。

圣地亚哥(San Diego)非营利机构美国国家冲突调解中心(National Conflict Resolution Center)的总裁斯蒂芬•P•丁金(Steven P. Dinkin)说,所有这些游击战使办公室冲突拖得比10年至15年前要长。这家机构每年帮助调解成千上万桩纠纷。研究表明,压抑怒火也会阻止潜在问题的暴露和解决。

天普大学(Temple University)和犹他州立大学(Utah State University)的研究人员在2007年发表于《管理学会评论》(Academy of Management Review)上的一篇研究论文称,在工作中表达愤怒以及处理这种愤怒的方法有很多种。这甚至可能是有益的,帮助人们彼此了解,加强人际关系,并改善态度,提高工作绩效。研究建议,不要太经常发怒,当你发怒时,应该指出这个问题如何伤害到其他员工或公司,而不是你自己。

拉法尔博士建议讲出关于问题的真相和沮丧情绪,但方式应该是经过仔细斟酌的和冷静的。使用以“我”开始的七字到12字的短句子,描述你的情绪并说明问题。例如,“我听到了你的话,但不能同意。”

在心烦意乱时康奈尔不会大喊大叫,而是认为“更好的解决方法是冷静下来,想想我希望对方学习到什么经验。”

布鲁克斯为自己的愤怒电邮感到后悔,她建议在回复同事或客户之前等待24小时,然后采取一种较温和的方式,比如说:“你看,你让我很难办。我们怎么才能避免这种情况再次发生?”

凤凰城(Phoenix)急救连锁公司Doctors Express的内科医生兼首席执行长约翰•舒费尔特(John Shufeldt)在需要让人们专注于某个问题时,会降低声音,非常缓慢地说话。舒费尔特博士说,“这迫使人们降低自己的音量,只听你说。他们会靠过来,仔细听你说的每个字。”他也为医疗机构提供医师行为咨询服务。

丁金说,当办公室中有人发飙时,最好先不要做出反应。他说,这会“让对方失去平衡,因为他们希望你反击。”聆听对方想说什么,然后冷静地加以总结,“这样他们会感到自己的话被听了进去。”这会让发飙的人平静下来,让你能表述自己的立场,或开始讨论解决方法。

在最坏的情况下,同事或调解人可以帮忙。丁金说,一家小企业的一位员工最近来寻求国家冲突调解中心的帮助,因为他的老板冲他大发脾气,以至于他无法专心工作。当这位员工的业绩下滑时,老板变得更生气,发脾气也愈加频繁。丁金说,这位老板“觉得这位员工没有专心工作,而这位员工无法专心工作是因为他感到自己不被上司尊重。”

这位老板同意谈一谈,调解人让双方坐到一起,尊重地聆听彼此的情绪和观点,然后一起找出解决方法。他们开始更经常地交谈,并从早期阶段开始跟踪项目。此后,这位员工不再把事情搞砸,而老板也不再发脾气。

没有人会忘记爱发飙的老板──这种老板会向员工大喊大叫,让他们感到无力,总是紧张不安,有时还会崩溃到哭出来。没有人会忘记爱发飙的老板──这种老板会向员工大喊大叫,让他们感到无力,总是紧张不安,有时还会崩溃到哭出来。

宾夕法尼亚州山顶市(Mountaintop)Cornell Iron Works的首席执行长安德鲁•康奈尔(Andrew Cornell)发誓不要成为这种人。当他的制造工厂的员工没能满足他的期望时,他有时想发火,但他控制住了。他说,“大喊大叫是过去的做法,我总是对此感到后悔。”他经常与有问题的员工开个短会,而不是“等到最后,扔下一颗核弹,血溅四墙。”

事实上,爱发飙的老板似乎正悄悄地从工作场所消失。管理者之间的新共识是,发飙会让人们恐慌,把他们赶走而不是激励他们,并有损于他们的工作质量。有些老板也担心引发骚扰诉讼或成为同事间风靡的手机录影的主角。

尽管下属可能会为严厉的老板努力工作,以期获得一丝赞美,但很少有员工能在老板的喊叫中将工作做到最好。《应用心理学杂志》(Journal of Applied Psychology)今年早些时候发表的几篇对手机公司员工和工程学专业学生的研究论文显示,言语攻击往往会损害受攻击者的工作记忆,降低他们理解指令和执行操作电脑等基本任务的能力。与和冷静客户打交道的员工相比,接到敌意而有攻击性的客户投诉的员工甚至不太能记住投诉内容。

借助许多措施,办公室已经变得更加文明。露辛达•梅因(Lucinda Maine)是弗吉尼亚州亚历山大市(Alexandria)一家专业协会的首席执行长,她说,最近家里有些问题需要处理,结果“我向几位副总裁发飙了。这比向接待员发飙要好,但发飙永远是不合适的。”她很快向每个人道歉,然后举行了一次高管团队会议,分享她学到的经验:她说,当你在家里受到压力时,在工作中时刻控制情绪需要“情商”。

但是现在我们在工作中的争执方式并非总是健康的,其中仍然有大量愤怒和沮丧情绪。研究显示,管理者大约要花25%的时间用于解决冲突。华盛顿州雷尼尔市(Rainier)A.K. Rice Institute for the Study of Social Systems的总裁杰克•兰普尔(Jack Lampl)说,不发火的“坏处”是“人们总把事情推到台面下”,这导致受挫感以其他方式渗透出来。他说,人们喜欢的一种发泄方式是写一封愤怒电邮,“这可以作为一个解压阀,但往往会激化冲突。它在工作场所起着非常有腐蚀性的作用,有利于流言蜚语的传播,并会破坏与其他人的关系。”

去年,缅因州奥罗诺(Orono)Bangor Metro杂志的编辑梅拉妮•布鲁克斯(Melanie Brooks)因为一名作者没能按时完成任务而很恼火,这让她不得不自己完成工作,并错过了一次她本来预期出席的工作活动。她发出了一封愤怒电邮:“我没有按时收到稿子,但这几乎要了我的命。这是你的工作,不是我的。”并补充说她不希望再发生这种事。

布鲁克斯认为这封邮件简洁直接,比打电话训斥作者要好。但第二天,这位作者打电话给布鲁克斯的老板,就这封电子邮件咆哮了将近半小时,最后老板因为她在邮件中训人而批评了她。

加利福尼亚州索诺马(Sonoma)Creative Energy Options领导力培训公司的总裁西尔维娅•拉法尔(Sylvia LaFair)说,还有些人用“沉默的叫喊”发泄。她说,“他们面无表情,耸耸肩,握紧手。”还有些人用冷嘲热讽或一言不发来表达愤怒。

圣地亚哥(San Diego)非营利机构美国国家冲突调解中心(National Conflict Resolution Center)的总裁斯蒂芬•P•丁金(Steven P. Dinkin)说,所有这些游击战使办公室冲突拖得比10年至15年前要长。这家机构每年帮助调解成千上万桩纠纷。研究表明,压抑怒火也会阻止潜在问题的暴露和解决。

天普大学(Temple University)和犹他州立大学(Utah State University)的研究人员在2007年发表于《管理学会评论》(Academy of Management Review)上的一篇研究论文称,在工作中表达愤怒以及处理这种愤怒的方法有很多种。这甚至可能是有益的,帮助人们彼此了解,加强人际关系,并改善态度,提高工作绩效。研究建议,不要太经常发怒,当你发怒时,应该指出这个问题如何伤害到其他员工或公司,而不是你自己。

拉法尔博士建议讲出关于问题的真相和沮丧情绪,但方式应该是经过仔细斟酌的和冷静的。使用以“我”开始的七字到12字的短句子,描述你的情绪并说明问题。例如,“我听到了你的话,但不能同意。”

在心烦意乱时康奈尔不会大喊大叫,而是认为“更好的解决方法是冷静下来,想想我希望对方学习到什么经验。”

布鲁克斯为自己的愤怒电邮感到后悔,她建议在回复同事或客户之前等待24小时,然后采取一种较温和的方式,比如说:“你看,你让我很难办。我们怎么才能避免这种情况再次发生?”

凤凰城(Phoenix)急救连锁公司Doctors Express的内科医生兼首席执行长约翰•舒费尔特(John Shufeldt)在需要让人们专注于某个问题时,会降低声音,非常缓慢地说话。舒费尔特博士说,“这迫使人们降低自己的音量,只听你说。他们会靠过来,仔细听你说的每个字。”他也为医疗机构提供医师行为咨询服务。

丁金说,当办公室中有人发飙时,最好先不要做出反应。他说,这会“让对方失去平衡,因为他们希望你反击。”聆听对方想说什么,然后冷静地加以总结,“这样他们会感到自己的话被听了进去。”这会让发飙的人平静下来,让你能表述自己的立场,或开始讨论解决方法。

在最坏的情况下,同事或调解人可以帮忙。丁金说,一家小企业的一位员工最近来寻求国家冲突调解中心的帮助,因为他的老板冲他大发脾气,以至于他无法专心工作。当这位员工的业绩下滑时,老板变得更生气,发脾气也愈加频繁。丁金说,这位老板“觉得这位员工没有专心工作,而这位员工无法专心工作是因为他感到自己不被上司尊重。”

这位老板同意谈一谈,调解人让双方坐到一起,尊重地聆听彼此的情绪和观点,然后一起找出解决方法。他们开始更经常地交谈,并从早期阶段开始跟踪项目。此后,这位员工不再把事情搞砸,而老板也不再发脾气。

No one forgets a screamer -- a boss who yells at workers, leaving them feeling powerless and constantly on edge, and sometimes reduced to tears when the explosion comes.

It is a figure Andrew Cornell vows not to become. He sometimes feels like yelling when employees at his manufacturing company don't meet his expectations. But he bites his tongue. Yelling is a vestige of a past time, and I always regret it, says Mr. Cornell, chief executive of Cornell Iron Works in Mountaintop, Pa. Instead, he holds short, frequent meetings with employees having problems, rather than 'waiting until the end, throwing a nuclear bomb and leaving blood all over the wall.

Indeed, the yelling boss appears to be quietly disappearing from the workplace. The new consensus among managers is that yelling alarms people, drives them away rather than inspiring them, and hurts the quality of their work. Some bosses also fear triggering a harassment lawsuit or winding up as the star of a co-worker's cellphone videotape gone viral.

While underlings may work hard for difficult bosses, hoping for a shred of praise, few employees do their best work amid yelling. Verbal aggression tends to impair victims' working memory, reducing their ability to understand instructions and perform such basic tasks as operating a computer, according to several studies of cellphone-company employees and engineering students published earlier this year in the Journal of Applied Psychology. Workers who fielded complaints from hostile, aggressive customers were less likely even to remember what the complaint was about, compared with workers who dealt with calm customers.

The workplace has become more civil, by many measures. When Lucinda Maine, chief executive of an Alexandria, Va., professional association, was dealing with family problems recently, I did yell at some of my vice presidents. It's better than yelling at the receptionist, but yelling is never appropriate, she says. She quickly apologized to each one, then held an executive-team meeting to share what she had learned: Keeping emotions in check at work when you're under stress at home takes emotional intelligence, she says.

But how we fight at work now isn't always healthy. There is still plenty of anger and frustration. Managers spend about 25% of their time resolving conflicts, research shows. The not-so-good part of the no-yelling trend is that people are pushing things under the carpet, causing frustrations to seep out in other ways, says Jack Lampl, president of the A.K. Rice Institute for the Study of Social Systems in Rainier, Wash. One favorite way of venting, angry email, serves as a relief valve, but tends to inflame conflict. It takes a very corrosive role in the workplace, for gossiping and undermining others, he says.

Melanie Brooks, the editor of Bangor Metro magazine, was annoyed last year when a writer failed to finish an assignment on time, forcing her to complete the job herself and miss a work event she'd been expected to attend. She fired off an angry email: I got the missing information, but it nearly KILLED me. This is your job, not mine, she wrote, adding that she didn't want it to happen again.

Ms. Brooks, of Orono, Maine, thought the email was succinct, straightforward and better than dressing down the writer by phone. But the next day, the writer called Ms. Brooks's boss and ranted about the email for nearly a half-hour, and the boss reproached her for putting her reprimand in writing.

Others use silent yelling to vent, says Sylvia LaFair, president of Creative Energy Options, a Sonoma, Calif., leadership coaching company. They give a stone-faced look, shrug their shoulders, clench their hands, she says. Others express anger through sarcasm or just silence.

All this guerrilla warfare is causing workplace conflicts to drag longer than they did 10 to 15 years ago, says Steven P. Dinkin, president of the nonprofit National Conflict Resolution Center in San Diego, which helps resolve thousands of disputes each year. Research shows that suppressing anger can also keep underlying problems from being exposed and solved.

There are ways to express anger at work and get away with it. It can even be beneficial, helping people understand each other, strengthen relationships and improve attitudes and work performance, says a 2007 study in the Academy of Management Review by researchers at Temple and Utah State universities. Just don't get angry too often, and when you do get angry, point out how the problem hurts other employees or the company rather than yourself, the study suggests.

Dr. LaFair advises telling the truth about problems and frustrations, but in a measured, calm way. Using short, seven- to 12-word sentences that start with I, describe your emotions and state the problem. For example, I hear what you're saying but I can't agree with it.

Rather than yelling when he gets upset, Mr. Cornell believes the better solution is to retreat and think about what I want the other party to get out of the experience.

Ms. Brooks, who regrets her angry email, suggests waiting 24 hours before responding to a colleague or customer, and then taking a softer approach, saying, Look, you made my life really hard. How can we avoid this situation again?

When John Shufeldt, a physician and chief executive of Doctors Express, an urgent-care franchising company, needs to get people focused on a problem, he lowers his voice and speaks very slowly. It forces people to dial down their own volume just to hear you. They lean in and hang on your every word, says Dr. Shufeldt, Phoenix, who also consults to health-care employers on physician behavior.

In dealing with an office screamer, it's best not to react at first, Mr. Dinkin says. This throws the other person off balance, because they're expecting you to push back, he says. Listen to what the screamer is trying to say, then summarize it calmly, so they feel they've been heard, he says. That may calm the screamer enough to let you state your position or start talking about solutions.

In the worst cases, a colleague or mediator can help. Mr. Dinkin says an employee of a small business sought help recently from the National Conflict Resolution Center because his boss was yelling at him so much that he couldn't focus on his work. As the worker's output declined, the boss got angrier and screamed more. The boss felt the employee wasn't dedicated to his work, and the employee couldn't focus on his work because he felt really disrespected by the supervisor, Mr. Dinkin says.

The boss agreed to engage in talks, and the mediator had the two meet and listen respectfully to each other's emotions and viewpoint, then work out a solution. They started talking more often, tracking projects at earlier stages. The employee stopped fouling up, and the boss stopping blowing up.


关键字: 老板 员工 管理
分享到: