2003年以前，人们的会面/约会/恋情都进展的相当顺利。直到有一天，Facebook发明创造了一套全新的障碍物之后，尴尬的状况便多了，不明不白的关系也开始出现苗头了。“我可不可以先看看你过去上传的那些照片，对你有个全方位了解之后再开始我们的约会呢？”“我们能否先在Facebook上相互了解彼此之后再进行约会呢？”在疯狂的Facebook时代，约会的难度也不像你想象中的那么简单。有研究者发现，Facbook真的已经改变，或者说至少影响了全新的恋爱模式，甚至于恋人分手。或者更准确的说，是阻止恋人分手。
丹佛大学临床心理学家Galena Rhoades跟我说，“Facebook对恋爱关系的实际影响着实让我吃惊，我绝对相信Facebook在促成恋爱及毁灭恋情这两方面，都扮演着不可估量的重要角色。”
Rhoades教授的学生Gretchen Kelmer注意到，Facebook在恋爱关系中发挥的重大作用已经受到广大媒体的关注，但却尚未有任何最新的研究或数据资料能够直观的展现它对恋爱关系发展的重大影响。在论文中，她分析了人们在Facebook上展示感情状况的方式——或修改“感情状况”，或将自己与恋人的亲密合影用作个人首页的头像图片——不同的表现形式导致不同的效果。那些在个人资料图片中直接展示恋人并将自己的感情状况设置为“恋爱中（in a relationship）”的人，更有可能是两人关系稳定且呆在一起，而不太可能发生那种6个月后她从外地回来，发现男友外遇的情况。此外，发生“换伴儿比换衣服勤”的概率低了很多。
在一段感情的每个阶段，甚至从开始前直到走向结束，Facebook都为大家创建了前所未有的障碍或尴尬处境。“当今，人们恋情的发展走向早已不再局限于程式化，”Kelmer说道。“但是生活中那些平凡经典的求爱段子在Facebook上肯定是不会存在的。”
1、这是第一个你不得不做出的尴尬选择/决定：
Fcebook的“实时追踪”已经不算什么新鲜事，但是仔细研究一下，发现如此大规模全方面的追踪还是鲜为人知的。早期，Facebook实时追踪用户动态这一功能遭到不少负面评价，但在近期的研究却发现，我们可以通过掌握经常性的用户动态来“减少一些不确定的关系。”但是，有时候，正是因为一些不确定的关系，才增加刺激程度。假若没有Facebook的这一追踪动态功能，过去某时曾有过的艳遇或烂桃花可能早被你抛到了九霄云外。所以说，恋人啊，你的一切我都知道。
在Facebook上，“感情状况”这一项必须做出一个准确的选择——这也是少有的几个不允许自己填充空白项目之一。所以，有时候，人们实在不知道在开始约会之前，Facebook上能怎样写状态，而不会表现出“宝贝，我喜欢你，跟我回家吧！”的露骨效果——无独有偶，结束恋情也是一样。
2、你的内心必须足够强大
Kelmer说，在个人资料里展示恋人照片的人，往往需要面对来自父母、朋友、同事或同学等各方各面的更大压力。感觉就像，对着所有人宣布“我们是一对多么忠贞不渝的恋人！”——但那很有可能不是最佳选择。也许，大家看到照片之后，铺天盖地的评论会把你淹没。届时，万一想分手都会很难做，这是另外一项Facebook对于分手设置的障碍。
在没有Facebook的年代，恋情终止往往意味着“停止交流”，最主要的区别是这样。但是现在，即便分了手，你和前男友（或前女友）依然可以继续沟通，除非你为了不再理他/她而注销账号，那也就意味着你必须得停用社交网络的一切功能和服务。
3、你的前男友/前女友会一路随行
Rhoades说，Facebook在感情状况的设置中还有一点令人抓狂。对于那些有过过去的前男友/前女友，他们会一直存在着。对于需要投入全新恋情的人来讲，这种藕断丝连的关系网无疑是有百害而无一利的。对于始终走不出失恋阴影的人来说，更是犹如人间地狱，看着前任那么阳光幸福的开启新生活，而自己却还在不断的追忆过去，日夜的思念、对感情的绝望、生理的需求等等，都会不断带来折磨。想要彻底结束这一切，除了注销Facebook账号，别无他选。但是，代价也是与上面提到的一样，脱离社交网上的所有人际关系。
Facebook改变了很多东西——比如，沟通交流、阅读新闻、资源共享——但任何一项都没有改变人们的恋爱方式来得猛。Facebook诞生之前，人们对于和某人约会、开始约会、正在约会、结束约会，然后继续前进这些阶段都不会界定得如此复杂。当然，迄今为止，依然没有一项权威的调查结果显示，Facebook破坏恋爱关系，所以我们依然要满怀希望。所以，如果对于恋爱，我可以提一点不太成熟的建议，那便是：今天，Facebook就是现实生活，所以，不要妄想在Facebook之外，你还能来点不同的刺激。所以，保持一颗平常心，就很好，就会快乐！
Meeting/dating/relationship-ing was hard enough before 2003. And then Facebook created a whole new set of obstacles, awkward conversations and unclear situations. "Can I admit to knowing things you've done (based on your pics) before we go on dates?" "Should we get to know each other on Facebook before we date?" The difficulty of dating in the era of Facebook is not just in your head, either. Researchers have found that Facebook really is altering, or at least reflecting, new relationship patterns, even how people break up. Or more accurately, don't break up.
"I've been surprised at what a real impact Facebook has on romantic relationships," Galena Rhoades, a clinical psychologist at the University of Denver, told me. "And I do think Facebook is playing bigger role in relationship formation and relationship disillusions."
One of Rhoades doctoral students in clinical psychology, Gretchen Kelmer, noticed that Facebook's role in romantic relationships got a lot of media attention, but that there wasn't any new research or data to show how Facebook directly affected relationship development. In her dissertation, she found that how people displayed their relationships on Facebook — through things like a relationship status or including a partner in their profile picture — were associated with differing levels of commitment. Those that displayed their significant other in their profile picture and were listed as "in a relationship" were more likely to stay together and less likely to have cheated when she checked back with them six months later. They also showed lower levels of "alternative partner monitoring," i.e. scoping out better alternatives.
At each stage of a relationship, even before it really begins and when it needs to end, Facebook has created a whole new slew of obstacles and awkward conversations that previously didn't exist for people in the dreadful world of dating. "There's less structure for people today as relationships develop," says Kelmer. "A lettermans jacket or a class ring — those kinds of social courtship scripts don't exist on Facebook."
1. This is now a conversation/decision you have to make:
The idea of "Facebook stalking" a prospective date isn't new, but the implications of carefully examining every aspect are still largely unknown. Earlier research into Facebook stalking dynamics characterized this behavior negatively, but more recent studies have shown that we often Facebook stalk "to reduce some of the uncertainty in relationships." But the uncertainty can sometimes be the most exciting part, and if said person-of-affection somehow manages to pass a thorough stalking, you can probably forget any of that pre-date giddiness. Goodbye butterflies and excitement, I already know everything about you.
On Facebook, relationships have to fit into in a pull down menu of a few options — it's one of the only places on Facebook where you can't fill in the blank. And these check-a-box decisions weren't things couples, or anyone for that matter, had to worry about before Facebook. Now no one's really sure how to act on Facebook before you're dating and what to do once you are. And it's not just the omg-I-like-you-lets-make-babies parts that Facebook has affected — it's also made it more difficult to end relationships and move on, too.
2. You have to break online hearts, too
People feel more pressure from friends and family to stay together when they have their partner in profile picture and relationship status, says Kelmer, making it seem like the decision to display those PDFAs in the first place — the ones that demonstrate how committed couples are — might not always be the best choice. The thought of that tiny splintering red heart spreading across hundreds of news feeds and everyone you know commenting, "ohmygod WHAT happened?" can sometimes prolong the inevitable, she says. "It could definitely be a constraint for people, another step in the breakup process that could perhaps reduce the likelihood of breaking up."
Before Facebook, ending a relationship actually meant the end of communication, for the most part. Not anymore. Once you finally manage to sever offline ties, there's really no way to avoid virtual run-ins with your ex unless you're off of Facebook entirely. De-friending doesn't really do much when your online social lives are so entangled.
3. Your exes follow you everywhere
"Facebook gives them automatic window into an ex's relationship," said Rhoades. "And often times that sustained contact can be detrimental, in terms of ones own functioning." In a recent study social psychologist Tara Marshall from Brunel University found that remaining Facebook friends with an ex delayed emotional recovery and led to greater distress over the breakup, negative feelings, sexual desire and longing for the ex-partner. Breaking up IRL is no longer enough to get over an ex, you've got end contact on Facebook too.
Facebook has changed a lot of things — how we communicate, consume news, share things — but it really is fascinating to see how much Facebook has changed dating norms and behaviors too. But as complicated as Facebook has made it to date someone, stay dating, stop dating and move on — these things were really freaking hard to do before Facebook. There's no research (yet) that says the advent of Facebook has ruined love, so there is still hope. If I can offer any completely unqualified relationship advice, Facebook is pretty much real life now so don't treat it any differently than you do dating OUT THERE. Be normal, be cool, be nice.
